The Student Elimination Process | Junior Outrage| Rational Outrage

Home Legal Outrage Earthly Outrage Political Outrage Junior Outrage Cultural Outrage Just Plain Stupid

The Onion Store - Free Shipping on orders of $50 or more.

Outside Outrage

We're not the only ones who are outraged - here are some outside outrages that caught our eye!

Dell Lies Exposed
Dell technicians refuse to honor warranty and blatantly lie about "spill damage."
Mentally and Physically Disabled Man Locked in Bus Overnight
Bus driver Linda Hockaday was late for church, that's her excuse for locking a man with the capacity of a two year old inside a bus and leaving him there in the bitter cold for 19 hours while his family searched for him.
Boy falls from bridge, breaks back, then tasered by cops!
Teenage boy on the ground with a broken back is tased up to 19 times to "get him under control" and "keep him from getting hurt", delaying emergency surgery by two days.
Keeping America Safe from...Australians
Internet dating at its worst leads to detention and deportation.
And You Thought Tasers Were Bad...
Instead of using Taser guns, police in Nashville (and other cities) now inject "unruly" subjects with an amnesia-inducing sedative. That's legal, right?
Big Bad Texas Cop Murders Teacup Poodle
“Chill out, it’s just a dog, you can buy another one.”
NYPD's 'Operation Sentinel' To Track EVERYTHING
NYC is going to install cameras to track EVERY vehicle that enters Manhattan.
Unlikely Suspect Charged With Murder
A young man is in jail for murder because he defended his home. Now the prosecutor wants to up the charges to seek the death penalty against him.
No Cancer Treatment For You!
Immigration authorities allegedly denied a man treatment for cancer saying that a biopsy is an "elective procedure."
Cut the Drama
Is our biggest problem not being able to post anything we want, anywhere we want? Honestly. I hope so.
4-Year-Olds Handcuffed
These little criminals refused to take a nap.

Recent Outrage

User Login

The Student Elimination Process

Written by Tori Sanders, age 12

Tuesday, 18 March 2008 02:11

Hey! Have you ever wondered what goes on at your child’s school? Believe it or not they don’t teach them to spell school s-k-o-o-l and they don’t tell them how to survive in the world. No, they teach them about how to avoid danger. Everyone remembers the long school assemblies about “stranger danger”, but little did we know the “trusted staff” was increasing the risk of stranger danger.

I know, I know, that’s ridiculous, right? So here is exactly what happened: Before my mom began working from home I took the bus to my grandmother’s house. Now let’s remember this is bus full of sixth, seventh, and eighth graders. So one day the bus driver says there were way too many people on the bus and that some of them have to get off. If there were kids on that bus that didn’t belong I didn’t see them.

A minute later we were back at my school and the principal (the woman who signed the information letters about the kidnapping attempt that morning) was climbing the steps of the bus. She starts telling people who usually ride the bus that they have to get off and start walking home. Then she said that if our bus came back to the school everyone was getting off! Now does it seem to you like this is a good system? The people getting off the bus all have the kidnapping attempt letters in their back packs! This isn’t a good idea.

So the second time that there is a kidnapping attempt the principal comes over the intercom and says no matter what happens, no one is allowed back inside after they leave. Sounds like a good plan—if they’re trying to cut down on the number of children in the school!

So if you were one of these children’s parents what would you do?

Set as favorite

Bookmark

Email This

Trackback(0)

TrackBack URI for this entry

Comments (0) Add Comment

Subscribe to this comment's feed

Write comment

One Minute Outrage - Political

Issue: We pay lip service to setting aside international differences and coming together in the spirit of healthy competition, good fun, and the common ground that makes us all human--but the way it plays out looks a lot like all of the other international power plays in the world.

Impact: Stronger, richer countries use the Olympics as one more means of demonstrating their superiority and lording it over the rest of the world and we all get wrapped up in the spirit of pride in "our team"--or the sinking feeling of knowing that our team isn't up to par--extending international tensions into yet another arena rather than bridging the gaps.

Read More: Promoting World Peace by Counting Everybody's Gold

One Minute Outrage - Earthly

Issue: A blind couple is prosecuted for employing a commonly accepted method of composting in their own garden.

Impact: Your tax dollars at work making life difficult for people with the audacity to grow vegetables--and an apparent legal preference for chemical fertilizers over organic matter that might actually help the environment.

Read More: Gardener Threatens Public Safety with Compost

One Minute Outrage - Legal

Issue: Police departments in major cities across the country aren't content to arrest self-made criminals, but have decided to hit the streets and see whether they can create some more.

Impact: Time and tax dollars poured into sting operations designed to test ordinary people and create crimes that would never have been; meanwhile, who's minding the store? Hundreds of thousands of unserved felony warrants lie inactive across the country while police experiment in subways, department stores and on streetcorners.

Read More: Make Your Own Criminal – It's So Much Easier than Chasing the Real Ones

One Minute Outrage - Cultural

Issue: Righteous indignance and the spirit of protest sweep us away for the pettiest of reasons; hundreds of thousands of complaints pour in and a dozen attorneys work for more than four years to hash out the consequences of a half-second view of a pop star's breast.

Impact: We use up our time, energy, and money on the easy battles while the ones that could change the world languish, unfought, because they weren't as spicy or as simplistic and they required that we do more than pick up the phone or dash off an email.

Read More: Janet Jackson’s Breast Eclipses World Issues

Where Was the Outrage When It Would Have Counted?

From the author of Do It Myself Blog

Danieal Kelly

In 2006, 14-year-old Danieal Kelly died in her own bed, covered in bedsores and weighing only 42 pounds. Her mother ignored her cries for water and prevented her brother from summoning an ambulance. Numerous social service workers, both governmental and private, were charged with protecting Danieal, but no one did. Now, in the wake of her death, everyone is outraged--but where was that sentiment when it might have saved Daneial's life? The legal system is suddenly taking Danieal's life seriously. Nine people are facing charges; Danieal's mother has been charged with murder and a social worker with involuntary manslaughter. But all the public outcry in the world won't help the child who was their victim. Not anymore.

Back to the top